Jan 09

The playlist that saved my life

For no reason whatsoever, here’s a playlist that has saved countless evenings that would have ended in misery, and in at least one occasion maybe even my life. It is not something I listen to regularly or in the background, this is a “pay attention” pick-me-up for when I’m feeling lost, confused, apathetic & insecure, especially if I’m in a situation where I can’t afford to be.

Order doesn’t matter, it’s always on shuffle.

Playlist in YouTube

Songs (links to YouTube):

  • Dan Bull – Medicine Ball
    When life knocks you down, steps on your face and wipes its feet — that’s the moment when and reason why to get up, get better and keep going twice as hard. I have mixed feelings about “what doesn’t kill you will not make you stronger”, because most things do, but it’s also true that traumatic events can change you in undesirable ways at the same time as they make you stronger through healing. There’s nothing very noteworthy about the music, this one’s all lyrics.
  • Pat Benetar – Invincible
    In my world, the clip I linked is this song’s official video. It’s fragments from a rather bleak Japanese animated movie called “Rurouni Kenshin: Trust & Betrayal”.
    This song is a reminder that no matter how much you’d like to avoid pain and injury, you don’t always get the choice. You don’t always get to remain innocent of agony and the difficult and sometimes horrible things you have to do to make it stop.
  • Knife Party – Fire Hive (Krewella Remix)
    A musical, aggressive and anapologetic piece in both it’s dubstep wiggles, wobbles and base drops and its “do your worst, fuck me with your roughest, I will take it all and enjoy every bit” lyrics. One of my favorite songs of all time.
  • Sexion d’assaut – Ma direction
    This one’s here only for the sound & the chorus. I know very, very vaguely what most of the words are about, but French rap is the best sounding rap out there, and I do like the beat, hook and the chorus, which translates roughly:

    This is my direction!
    There’s nothing holding me back, I’m not abandoning it or giving up
    Always something new, a low battery the only that can slow me down
    From here on out I’m staying out in front, that is my direction

  • Eminem – Superman
    My little sexist guilty pleasure. :) Not much else to say, except maybe that it’s gotten a bit more amusing since my divorce.
  • Rammstein + t.A.T.u. – Ist das gut
    For the record, t.A.T.u. have never made a record with Rammstein; there are a few mashups out there, but they’re all fan made.
    I love this mashup because it perfectly blends and juxtaposes the sensuality of lovemaking with the methodical and almost robotic nature of a military march.
    If only it didn’t have the ridiculously out of place German porno sound effects… :(
  • Fall Out Boy – My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up)
    Originally I only liked this song for its music, but once I got past the chorus, I found there are also relatable lyrics.
  • Dan Bull – Dishonored Rap
    Ahh, this one. It’s not the most sophisticated rap song, but the revenge power fantasy is a quick, cathartical confidence boost, the music uses sounds from the game and encapsulates its atmosphere perfectly, and the lyrics are a joy to learn and sing along.
  • La Caution – Thé à La Menthe
    Another french rap song. I fell in love with the music from the moment I heard it in Ocean’s Eleven, and it was only a matter of time before I found the full version and it became one of my favorites. As with Ma Diréction, I have only the vaguest notion what it’s about.
  • Knife Party – Internet Friends
    The troll in me enjoys this beyond measure. Its like listening to the musical representation of the emotions of GLaDOS who has come alive and is stalking people on Facebook.
  • Rammstein – Moskau
    This one’s all sound. Rammstein’s overdrive guitars and gritty vocals, intermixed with Victoria Fersh’s high female voice is the musical equivalent of one of the most delicious desserts — ice cream with ground rye bread.
  • Eurobeat Brony – Discord (The Living Tombstone’s Remix)
    With its catchy electronic, beep-boop melody, fast-paced singing and My Little Pony-themed lyrics this is the song that reminds me of the simple, childlike fun side of life that is essential for holding on to some level of sanity.
  • Infected Mushroom ft. Jonathan Davis – Smashing the Opponent
    A more personal case, this song is here because of associations, rather than content. This song was playing repeatedly on loop during the day in which my loss of self control destroyed one of the best relationships I’ve ever had. The lessons I learned and changes I made as a result are among the hardest, most painful and most invaluable that I have, and I listen to this song to help me never lose sight of that.
  • Razihel – Spectrum by Zedd ft. Matthew Koma (Razihel Remix)
    This songs paints a beautiful image of a love that encompasses extremes. The piano/synth & vocal parts speak of the universal yearning for mutual love, joy at having found it, and the melancholic sometimes-wish to just drop everything and run off in the sunset together. The dubstep parts tell of the extreme, violent BDSM ways in which that love is sometimes expressed and shared (note that the synth background doesn’t disappear when the dubstep kicks in, because it is a fundamental part of it).
  • Dan Bull – Tony Hawk’s Pro Rapper
    I don’t really have a reason for this one, other than it was one of the first when the playlist started and it sort of stuck around as I’ve never felt the need to remove it. The lyrics are senseless for anyone who doesn’t know Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater games good enough to recognize the trick names and the music is nice but nothing spectacular. Chalk this one up to “it’s OK to not have reason for doing things sometimes”.
Mar 18

Reiz dziļā bērnībā es tēvam jautāju, kas ir boļševiki

Tie ir tādi cilvēki, kas izlaupa, salauž un piegāna vietu, kur dzīvo, un tad kļūst dusmīgi, jo tādā vietā vairs nav patīkami dzīvot. Tad viņi atrod kādu, kuram māja ir tīrāka, skaistāka vai bagātāka, ar varu viņu padzen un ievācas viņa mājā. Drīz vien arī tā ir izlaupīta, salauzta un piegānīta, un boļševiki meklē nākamo.

Tālāko atceros ļoti miglaini, tāpēc, visticamāk, ļoti pārfrāzēju:

Viņi nekad nav apmierināti ar dzīvi, bet vienmēr vaino kādu citu. Atņemt tam, kuram ir vairāk vienmēr ir svarīgāk, nekā radīt vai ar darbu iegūt pašam. Ja boļševikam ir slikti, vainīgs vienmēr ir tas, kuram ir labāk. Boļševisms ir agresīva un dzīvnieciska skaudība nācijas līmenī.

Mar 13

Lieta, ko tu par mani varētu nezināt #2

Par šo esmu mazliet šaubīgs, jo mana ilgtermiņa atmiņa nekad nav bijusi tas uzticamākais avots, bet nu ja kas, gan jau kāds izlabos.

Tātad.

Cik sevi atceros, es ne reizi mūžā neesmu bijis slims “visu dienu gultā” nozīmē ilgāk par dienu, maksimums divām (retos gadījumos). Manas saukstēšanās parasti sākas ar garu “ievadu” — smagu šņaukāšanos, šķaudīšanu un klepu vairāku dienu garumā, bet tas netraucē strādāt vai kā citādi izklaidēties. Līdz kamēr kādā rītā secinu, ka galva sāp vēl pirms esmu pamodies, līdz tualetei tikt bez turēšanās pie sienām nevaru un par brokastu taisīšanu vispār nevar būt ne runas. Tādu dienu pavadu praktiski pilnībā horizontāli (pat nosēdēt grūti), pārmaiņus svīstot un salstot, lejot iekšā karstas tējas ar vai bez citrona un pārējā laikā reāli aizmidzis. Nākošajā rītā pēc tam es izšņaucu degunu, ieeju dušā un esmu gatavs pikoties. :P Ar cita veida kaitēm ir praktiski tāpat, mainās tikai “ievada” garums (var nebūt vispār) un atkopšanās līdzekļi.

Jan 30

Lieta, ko tu par mani varētu nezināt #1

Nupat jau sācis mazliet norimt, bet nu 7 lietu bums ir panesies ne pa jokam. Man gan neviens “stafetes kociņu”, teiksim tā, neiebāza. Saskaņā ar niitro teezi tas nozīmē, ka mani neviens nemīl un es esmu lūzeris. :) Es īsti nezinu, ko par to visu domāt, jo diez vai spētu uzrakstīt 7 lietas tā — blaukts, uz sitiena. Bet nekas jau man neliedz laiku pa laikam iepļukāt, ja kas labs ienāk prātā. Tad nu šis tāds pilotierakstiņš.

Bērnībā man bija konflikti ar vecākiem, jo es bieži gribēju palikt (un dažreiz arī paliku) augšā visu nakti, kārtojot istabu. Dienas laikā, kad apkārt staigāja/jebkurā brīdī varēja atnākt mājās kāds no ģimenes, man kārtošana šķita bezjēdzīga, garlaicīga un “citreiz, vēlāk, kaut kad”. Bet, jo tumšāks palika un tuvāk nāca laiks, kad neviens vairs no savas istabas ārā nelien, jo dabiskāk pati par sevi vienas lietas nolikšana vietā kļuva par divu citu lietu sakārtošanu (lai izbrīvētu vietu), kas tālāk varēja pāraugt pilnā “pavasara tīrīšanā” līdz 5 no rīta. Nevaru pateikt, kad tas sākās, un beidzies vēl nav tagad, lai gan gadās krietni retāk (jo pārāk daudz jābūt darbā un pa brīvdienām līdz vēlai naktij sanāk sēdēt, darot pa nedēļu iekrāto).